Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Seriously?!


I went out on Saturday night with a guy I had met the week before at the St. Patty's event. We had not even talked on the phone; he asked me out through a text. So Romantic. I show up to meet him at his house in a very nice area of Atlanta. His house is somewhat surprising to me. He lives in an old house that smells of mildew and resembles that of an old frat boy's party home at the beach. He is 41, so I guess I would expect him to be a little more sophisticated. He then invites me to hang out and have a beer while we watch some basketball. Well, I am not a sports fan, but I conceded and sat down in his old comfy chair in a room overflowing with too much furniture. We chatted for a bit and it became apparent that my date was suffering from a major cold. He was all stuffed up and coughed quite a bit. But he said he wanted to go out for a bit (and I had already driven down to the area) so we went to a sports bar near his house. Once there, he waved over his friend who joined us in a booth, where we ate and enjoyed another beer. By the end of the meal, he was looking very weary and tired. I told him so and he agreed he wasn't feeling very good. So we went back to his place. He coaxed me into staying a while to keep him company. We had another drink while listening to some country music in his breakfast room (which had been turned into a bar area with a nice wood bar he built himself glittering with twinkle lights). He proceeded to talk about a girl he was in love with (for an hour!!!) Then asked my advice on how he should handle the situation (as she like him as just a friend - imagine that). Then, he was obviously not feeling great and wanted to lay down and watch a movie. I felt his head and noticed he had a fever. And although he wanted me to keep him company, I declined saying it was still early and I was feeling like going out still. So I finally left. Truth was, he seemed like a great guy to have as a friend, but seriously not a match made in heaven. Why would he go on a first date when he was feeling so ill? And then sit there and talk about a girl he is obviously still hung up on?! It's times like these that make me wonder why I date at all.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

It's a Small World in this Big City


St. Patty's Day always brings a huge assortment of partying folks out. And this year it was full of more zany revelers. My girl friend and I went out to the local pub party at Meehans and thoroughly enjoyed the festivities, imbibing way too much alcohol for our own good. But that is what St. Patty's Day is all about, right? Well, we ended up in the local strip joint late at night (as strip clubs are some of the latest clubs open here in Atlanta). The place was packed! It's not my usual haunt, but I think it is fun to go occasionally (only after I've over-consumed the beverages). So there we were flirting drunkenly with guys who were obviously there for other reasons, but my girlfriend is an on-again-off-again dancer (and I once danced myself about 15 years ago) so I guess we attracted some attention. We ended up staying until closing and going back to a good looking guy's house to party some more (yes, a wild night indeed). Next thing I know, my girl friend and he are in the bathtub together. Well, I just planted myself on the couch and called it a night. The next morning we all go to breakfast together laughing it up about what a fun night we all had. I asked (just out of curiosity) what he does for a living and he says he works at *(& Bank. Surprised I said, "Oh really, my brother Rick works there, do you know him? It turns out, not only does he know him, but he works in the office next door - GULP! We both laughed it off, but obviously it was embarassing for both of us. And both of us were deeply relieved that we didn't get together. Small World, indeed!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

I'm Magically Delicious


I went to a big St. Patty's Day Festival in Piedmont Park yesterday. This is always a fun event with lots of drinking, good bands and fun people watching, and the weather could not have been more perfect for it. I went by myself (mainly because I couldn't find anyone to go with me) as part of my new "What the hell, embrace loneliness" attitude. Well, maybe going to a big drinking festival alone isn't exactly the way to embrace my loneliness. There I sat on a blanket in the big crowded festival, all alone. And, guess what, no one approached me (at all). Maybe I seemed like a weird loner, maybe I am just too old for this crowd, I don't know. I don't think I look much older than everyone else, and I certainly don't look like a weird loner. I am an attractive blonde, and I was enjoying the music and a beer like everyone else. But I wasn't wearing a costume or a shirt that said "Eat me, I'm Italian" or "I'm Magically Delicious" or the upside down "If you can read this, put me back on my barstool" (yes, I did see women wearing these). Eventually (after a couple of beers) I did get up and go to the front and dance to the band. I had fun even though I was utterly and completely alone at this crazy, drunken bash. I talked to a few random people around me, but none of them invited me to join them and their friends, which I was surprised by really. After about an hour of dancing I decided to leave. It was still early (only about 8:00), but I called it a night. I didn't want to be too drunk to drive (and I knew if I stayed I would want to keep partying). That is one disadvantage of going alone. I don't regret going it alone, but I do wish that I had met someone interesting, even a new friend would have been great.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Rihanna don't go back!

All of this news about Rihanna and Chris Brown is very upsetting. I, too, have been involved with abusive men. Thankfully, I never got hurt (I got out as soon as I could after the signs were there). In one case, I dated a guy in college who I'll call Ben Stoner (yes, he was); he was the epitome of the frustrated artist. And one evening I came home after being out with a girl friend and he just threw a jealous fit (I think he might have been doing a little bit more than just pot that night). He was in such a rage that I threw a chair at him to defend myself. Then he threatened to kill me and proceeded to get a gun. I got away quick and ran out of the house to phone the police. Ben also ran out of the house and the cops found him in the woods and took him to jail (he was then tranferred to a mental hospital for a few days). I was so hooked though and I remember it killed me to let him go. I did the right thing though, and packed his stuff up and moved him out. I had constant nightmares about him after that; and since we had the same friends, I was constantly running into him. So I dropped out of college as a result of the whole drama.

Years later, I thought I was past playing the enabler. However, my recent relationship proves "once and enabler, always an enabler," for it also showed definite signs of abuse. Jake (who my friend refers to as Dumb F*ck) was very possessive and got very irate one day after I came back from a girlfriends party (she lived pretty far so I had spent the night). Long story short, I ended up locked in a bathroom with him (he wouldn't let me leave) standing in a towel sobbing as he threw things, punched holes in the door and shouted obscenities at me. When I finally got passed him (he was a foot taller and much stronger than I) I ran for the phone to call the police and he tried to get the phone from me. I bit his wrist and made a quick call as he ran out of the house. I would love to say this was the last I ever saw of him, but, no, I stayed in that mess of a relationship for close to six more months. Even after he had called my parents and told them a bunch of lies and truths I really wish they didn't know about me. He continued to prove what a Dumb F*ck he was by following me, checking my phone calls, and even arguing with me in front of my child at Disney World of all places! Yes, I finally did leave him, but God knows, it took me way too long to get out of there (part of the reason was I was unemployed then too).

So, Rihanna, take note: No Good Will Come of Your Relationship with Chris Brown. These guys don't change. We want them to. We want to believe we can bring out the best in them. But in the end, they bring out the worst in us. And, truly, I would rather be in NO relationship than a bad relationship. I know I have lived it, but I truly hope I have learned from it.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Embrace the Loneliness


I have decided to embrace my loneliness. I have spent over a year being lonely as hell, meanwhile dating many guys to no avail. But right now I just need to focus on being my own best friend. I realize how hard this is for me, given that I have always been seeing someone. I have floated from one guy to the next with little time in between. And, for that reason, I am not used to this lonely feeling. But this is good for me. It gives me time to explore myself as I never have before. My biggest downfall in life has been to follow in the footsteps of the guy of the moment. I dropped out of college because of a guy (actually one that I was running away from and one that I was running to). I didn't go to L.A. to pursue acting because of a guy (he didn't want to go and yet now he lives there and is successful in the biz and engaged to Madonna's assistant). I didn't pursue my dream of acting because I got married to a guy. And I have moved more times than I want to admit because of a guy. I need to stop changing my life because of my endless quest to find the right guy. I need to focus on me and my own happiness. And truthfully, I have, in some ways, liked being alone. I can watch whatever I want on tv. I discipline my son the way I want without anyone telling me I am doing it wrong. I can spend more time with my son. I can do what I want when I want. And I don't have to spend extra energy trying to please someone else. I think this time is crucial to my own personal development. Has it been difficult at times? Yes, but then again so are relationships. Has it been scary to realize that if I died suddenly there wouldn't be anyone there to bawl at my bedside - yes. Okay, my son would, but that is what keeps me going. My son is the most precious thing to me, and when I realize I am raising a little guy who is going to grow into one of these men of the world, well, it just makes me want to focus on making him the best guy he can be. Because some day he is going to meet a girl, and she will fall in love with him. When that happens I want to make sure he knows how to treat a girl right.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The Bachelor's Decision


I confess I watch "The Bachelor" on a regular basis, and last night's episode was indeed a doozy. Jason was forced to choose between two women - Melissa and Molly. He chose Melissa and proposed to her in what would have made a romantic fairy tale ending to the show, but wait - its not over. Because right after, the follow up show "After the Final Rose" comes on and he decides that things aren't going as he wished six weeks later and dumps Melissa on air! Then he immediately asks Molly if he can try dating her again! At first I thought "What a cad!" But then I got to thinking: haven't we all made decisions and then changed our minds once we learned we weren't right for eachother? I know I have. I once was dating a sweet, fun college professor who I was really into, and when I realized he wasn't as into me as I was into him, I decided to dump him for the Mr. Executive who was really into me and showed it. That was a mistake on my part. I should have stayed with Mr. College Professor to see where it was going. It may not have gone anywhere, but I realize now that going with Mr. Executive was a huge error in judgement. And isn't this what Jason did? He realized that Melissa wasn't the right girl for him, and rather than stringing her along just because the audience would want them to stay together, he chose to let her go. I don't think it was right for him to do it on national television and humiliate Melissa in front of millions of people, but he was right to let her go if he didn't feel it in his heart. And Molly, well, lets just say I'll be very surprised if it works out between them. She, after all, is second choice. They might beat the odds and make it work, but I doubt it. After all, he has a lot of explaining to do.